I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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