You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
