i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
