Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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