I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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