he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
