I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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