well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
