We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
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