I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
