I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
