We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
