i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize