____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
