My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
