She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
