How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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