oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
