i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
As shirtless as possible
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
