You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I came so hard my ears popped.
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