He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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