What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
