I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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