Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
