thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
