I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
he laminated a picture of his dick.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
