Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
