One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Boobs speak an international language.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
