how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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