He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
