Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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