I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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