Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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