don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
