How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
