why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
