Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Michael Bay diarrhea
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
