i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
