so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
my shit smells like andre
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
