I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
