Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
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