DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
