Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
