i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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