Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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