It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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