i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
