this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
i've created a new STD.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
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