Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
