He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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