Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
