I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize