so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
