Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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