Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
