can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
