You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
