so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
