My Higher Power is John Stamos
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
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