your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
We're too hungover to prance.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
