i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
