Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize