I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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