he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
