I'm sorry my penis didn't work
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize
