You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
