Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
